Don't make out with my wife yet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
