What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
