he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
