i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
