Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
