you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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