Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
