he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
