# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
