those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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