She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
