My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
