dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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