and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
