Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We named our party play list daddy issues
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
