Just mADE A PArabola og urine
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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