Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
