I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
