you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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