actually, I'm a sock model
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
