There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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