we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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