i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize