No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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