After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
