dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
