im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
