I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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