After last night, I could never be a politician.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
