You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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