not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
