I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
