U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
