I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just got carded by a ten year old.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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