Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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