Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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