I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
