Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
