WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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