im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
