But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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