I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
