trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
