did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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