dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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