I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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