I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
