My cat gives me a boner
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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