so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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