I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
