i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
