this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I supernannyed him into submission
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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