saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
