"it" just moved
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize