Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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