Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
