Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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