I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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