I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
