He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
