Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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