I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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