Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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