Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
